Is Birth a Spectator Sport?

While you ponder that question, an update: Saw Tile Guy at church. Wasn't really planning on looking at or speaking to him (for his own safety, of course), but he put his hand on my shoulder as I passed near, and I was forced to bare my teeth, er, smile. He swears he will be here Tuesday at 2:00. And he does not blame me for smiling and nodding in a "yeah, right" kind of way. For his sake, I do hope he manages to make it. This is a highly hormonal time in my life, and I can still heft a gas can and I know what his nice tile van looks like. And I would not be filling his tank with the gas.

Back to the issue at hand:

I need to take a poll. Find out if it's "just me" or "them". Do you ever look at this life, and wonder if you're in the twilight zone? If so, was it because you were the oddball or because the universes traded you, and now you're in a different one? I'm trying to figure out which applies here.

To me, labor and delivery are mostly my business. And that feels like a pretty deeply-ingrained belief, one that's not easily divested just because the universe seems to disagree. I know women who enjoy (or at least don't mind) a roomful of onlookers. Sisters, cousins, in-laws, friends. And I know many of those expect and assume they will be in attendance. Wow, I'm just not wired that way. I would never, ever assume I was wanted at the bedside of any woman trying to have a baby. Perhaps I will feel differently when my daughters are facing that, but that's impossible to know from here.

In any case, I'm getting the hint of the oddest requests. No, strangers aren't coming up to me on the street and asking when and where, but the hints are still odd. I say hints, because no one has called me up to say, "do you mind?" And, to be honest, many of them might not expect or want to be actually attending, but I hear rumors that they want to come visit around that time. And I don't mean for tea. I mean a road-trip that puts them at my house around The Time. Don't get me wrong; I love company. I love to have overnight guests, whether they're passing thru on their way somewhere, or if they just want to stay awhile. But seriously, now is not the time. Or then is not the time, I should say. Why not? I've been going over that. What if some of these rumored wanna-bes call me up and ask? I guess it comes down to priorities. Business, if you will. Believe it or not, laboring and delivery are really big jobs, and they take all my attention and focus. That's why I'm not a big fan of the auditorium-style birth. I really don't want to be distracted by people in the room, or their responses or reactions to anything. Too, I'm not so comfortable sharing my private parts with the world. Why that should change because someone new is emerging from them could be argued, I guess, but so far I don't see it. As to a houseguest (helpful or otherwise), it's the same idea on a broader scale. They might not assume to be around for the actual birth, but up to and after that are pretty intense times too. Sleep, recovery, breastfeeding, getting back on my feet. I don't want to hear conversation among my friends going on in other rooms that I just can't participate in. It is stressful, in a weird way. And I don't like the idea of a permanent audience for those times either. Maybe I am weird. I'd rarely changed a diaper (and never a newborn's) when I had my first baby, and I didn't change her diaper in the hospital at all. I figured that my silly mistakes would be better handled (by me) at home, without the eyes of others around.

My second was an induction, and the only non-hospital-staff person on hand was Hubby. And I think that was just right, for us, then. I didn't have a hard/fast plan to make that happen, but the last part of labor came and went with considerable speed, and no one really had time to be there anyway.

As to this time, I'm just not sure. I always feel that way. I don't really make a plan, because I'm not sure how I'm going to feel or what I'm going to think at that moment. People think I'm dodging questions like, "are you going to have your baby at home? is it a boy or a girl? what names have you picked out?" Truth to all of those: I don't know. I'm leaning towards the birth-at-home plan, and preparing for it, but I haven't had a chance to speak to the midwife about other possibilities either. Anyone with an opinion thinks it's a boy, but we have no scientific data to evidence that. And we have a couple name ideas, but generally like to keep it under wraps. Though we're still clueless for middle names, I think.

I do realize that most or all referenced rumors come from well-meaning and well-intentioned individuals. But real help would come in the form of stopping by for an hour to fold laundry, or taking the girls to look at the fish. Better yet, come spend a week learning Hubby's new diet, and cook and label his 'daily un-bread' for the next several days. THAT would be handy. Don't bring a pie, or a pasta salad. Well, if you do, bring a small one and sneak it in to me, so Hubby won't grieve. I'm grieving enough on his behalf already.