Saturday, April 10, 2010


Yesterday I experienced something completely incredible, sad, touching, amazing, and holy.  I don't know if there's a whole lot else I could describe with that combination of words, but this certainly meets the criteria.

I have often imagined that those blurry black-and-white ultrasound photos are the "fingerprints of God."  The swirly sonar lines, the outline of a living, created, person... it's always so amazing, even if I do have concerns about subjecting babies to a barrage of ultrasonic waves. :)

Also, I have never experienced a miscarriage, or the heartbreaking grief that accompanies such loss.

That's the back story.

Yesterday was a rough day, from an early morning departure (from a messy, messy home to a crazy, crazy library book sale, and errands), to several hours trying to tend the kids while trying to combine some complicated patterns to help my midwife with her wedding dress (notice I said 'trying' on both counts).  A couple hours into it, a couple stopped by her place to 'pick up some stuff' for a moment.  My midwife disappeared for a while, longer than a moment, then passed through the room a few times.  Another friend and I were busy with the pattern, and took little notice until she interrupted our study to show us something.

The couple had stopped by for some hard-to-find herbs, fearing an early miscarriage.  The cramping had stopped earlier, but they came all the same.  And then, during her visit, she miscarried.  My midwife held in her hands a ziploc bag with about a half cup of clean, clear tap water inside.  In the water was the most beautiful, incredible, amazing creation.  The baby was tiny, so tiny.  Not even an inch long.  She estimated it to be 5 or 6 weeks.  It had fingers.  Tiny, perfect fingers, on a hand not 1/8th of an inch across.

In the midst of my awe was such sadness for the couple's loss.  I don't know anything about them, whether they already had children or this was the next in a series of heartbreaks, but I don't think it matters.  He or she was their baby, and that isn't dependent upon family demography.

And that baby was so precious, so beautiful.

I've seen pictures, of course, in fact, earlier my girls were looking at a book from their shelf about just such things.  There was a little diagram of a human baby at various stages of development alongside those of a rabbit and lizard, as though to illustrate how similar the three are.  Um, no.  What I saw was not similar.  This, I felt, bore the image of the Creator Himself, and His holiness.  His fingerprints, but so much more.  His handiwork.  His workmanship.  His image.  It was truly breathtaking.

And in the midst of my harried day, where I questioned my wisdom to even leave the house, God brought such Wonder to my eyes.

I thank Him, and I pray for the mama and daddy, that God would visit them too.


LindaSueBuhl said...

each life a miracle - and only God knows Why. Thank you for stopping by my blog - I share your heart for the wee ones even though I never carried one to term. Bless you.

EllaJac said...

Linda, I appreciate your thoughts..

I have thought much about this, wondering why I got to lay eyes on something only God should see... Then thought that perhaps that precious soul completed its Calling, fulfilled its purpose, and it is we who must continue to strive for what that Baby attained in so short a time..

MamaJ said...

Wow. So moving. I can't even imagine what that felt like.

Benny said...

Wow. So sad, amazing, stunning... I can hardly imagine.


Rachel Le said...

Wow... how sad, and how amazing to see such a tiny baby...

Anonymous said...

This breaks my heart. Prayers are going out for this mommy and daddy!

Monica said...

Thank you so much for sharing this heartbreaking and beautiful story.

Could I, perhaps, have permission to print out a few copies of this post to pass around at my next Right to Life meeting (with all due credit)? I know the people there would be truly touched.

EllaJac said...

Monica, certainly!