No Guts

That would be me.

Are you surprised? A lot of people seem to be, when I admit what a total wimp I am in one unlikely area.

Generally speaking, I love a good debate. I will debate organic vs. conventional agriculture, the wisdom and sustainability of petroleum-based farming (though I'm not a peak-oil type), the proper diet for cattle and ultimately, people. I will go toe-to-toe (partly in an effort to learn) with an honest vegan, and talk about the fascinating opportunities for symbiotic farming, where cattle + chickens = lush pasture. I've seen it done, I've read all the books, I've journaled my plans...

But I haven't done it yet. Not really; not enough. I might believe things, I might know things, but I don't have the resumé to prove that I've put it to the test.

Stand me out in my weedy field, with the unfinished irrigation efforts and bring a farmer. Someone with boots and a hat. Have him ask me if he could lease my field...

I have about as much conviction as a bowl of Red #40 jello. I mumble plans about a rotational grazing plan with daily paddock moves.. our new 3hp pump which we haven't had a chance to really put to use yet..

He says things like, "needs to be farmed," and "need at least 25 hp pump to irrigate that," and "are your steers vaccinated?"

I nod and smile and do my best to be non-confrontational. And I sound like an idiot. "Twenty-five horse? Wow, someone told me..." "No, we haven't vaccinated our steers yet."

He has the tractors, implements, pipe.. He wants pasture or hay field. Why can't I just speak my heart? I could write  my heart, but good ol' farmers have cell phones, NOT email. Maybe I should print a pamphlet. "Sir, I would love nothing more for this field to be farmed. I want to do some of that myself, but obviously it's a lot to manage, and I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. However, I have some pretty deep convictions that aren't very popular around here, and that might be a deal-breaker for you. See, this land hasn't had chemical treatments (fertilizers or -cides) in at least 20 years. I don't want that to change. I'm interested in increasing forage and soil fertility through the use of rotational grazing, diversified species, things like that. I worm my cattle with Basic H, NOT ivomectrin. If this sounds like something that could work for you, that you're interested in talking about, we might be able to work together. But these are things I can't compromise on."

See? That flows from my keyboard without a hitch. But in person it sounds like, "uh, um, yeah, well, maybe, I'll think about it." With such a glaring lack of real-life experience, how can I say that to someone whose expertise is in this area? Too, what kind of a person could just say to a new acquaintance, "I just don't believe in doing things the way you do." [to be fair, he didn't mention fertilizer or pesticides, though others have]

There must be a happy medium, where I could state my boundaries without feeling like I'm attacking the personhood of the listener.

Seriously, I disgust myself.

Maybe I could write him a letter.

WHAT??

Dealing in my RealFood Underground, as I call it, I often end up with boxes... Boxes with potatoes, or apples, beef, etc -- and most of the boxes are reused from the original manufacturer. I had this on the counter, full of apples, for a day, and then I noticed the label:

Aw, so wholesome.

"Wholesome Farms." Don't you love that? And look at that beautiful picture of a farmstead with the sun rising (setting?) in glory, it just screams "Nature!"  Wholesome nature, at that. Ah, bliss...

But wait...

Oh my...!

What is this fresh crop from "Wholesome Farms?" Liquid Whole Eggs. That's enough right now to make my decision. Liquid whole eggs? Don't whole eggs include the shell? How do we liquify the shell? Hmm..  Oh, I know! Citric acid! Bingo. Yummier and yummier, yes?

But we aren't done with this "Wholesome" bounty yet - we're gonna pasteurize (cook? irradiate?) these dissolved-shell-liquified-eggs AND homogenize them - after all, we don't want dissolved shell sinking to the bottom, or yolk forming a top layer... ew, no, THAT would be gross... (?)

For a final dose of "wholesomeness," look at the packaging information... This.. crop.. comes in BAGS. I don't know about you, but nothing says "wholesome" and "farm" like something packaged in a plastic bag [and liquified, pasteurized, homogenized, dissolved]!

Would you eat this product? DO you eat this product? (I have no idea what is done with it. Scrambled eggs schools? Omelets at restaurants? Maybe used in baked goods?) Would you eat other 'wholesome' foodstuffs "dissolved, liquified, pasteurized, homogenized, packed-in-bags?" How about chicken? Thaaaat sounds tasty.

Know your food. Know your farmer. Don't trust a cutesy name and logo - obviously it doesn't mean much...

Veganism is Ecological?

I've run across (in surprising places, sometimes) the argument that a vegetarian or vegan diet is more 'environmentally friendly' than an omnivorous diet that includes animals and animal proteins. I felt, more than knew, that this thinking was faulty (the documentary "Forks Over Knives" notwithstanding). I did know that there has been no successful or healthy people group (the world over, historically) who did not include animal protein in their diets. There were no indigenous vegetarians. :) Whether the Maasai who harvest blood and milk from their cattle (as well as eating some meat) to shellfish-eating islanders, caribou-eating northerners, fish-eating Gaelics, etc, no one ever subsisted (as a people group or civilization) without animal protein in their diets.

I have been listening to an audiobook, "Folks, This Ain't Normal" by Joel Salatin, my favorite farmer, who first introduced me to the difference between factory foods and natural, and who has inspired me for years (even if I haven't implemented much) towards producing food on our land. While this book covers a wide swath of subjects, there is one fascinating element that I'd never heard before (and I love nothing if not learning some new, interesting thing).

In a word, it is this: We need animals, specifically herbivores (that would be cattle, deer, moose, goats, sheep, etc),  to heal the earth - whether you mean air, water, or soil, doing without them would be terribly damaging to our environment. I'll try to give a brief reason as to why that is...

Herbivores graze green plants, which are solar-powered protein - protein you and I cannot access - turning it into meat and milk (proteins we CAN access). Properly managed, herbivores on pasture add to the soil. Their grazing naturally suits the strengthening of perennial grasses and legumes (plants that return every year) and weakens the annuals and weeds (things that put out seed, but whose roots do not tend to deepen and widen yearly). Their hoof-pressure also helps aerate and loosen soil, breaks down decaying matter, and allows water to soak down and microbial activity to increase. Their manure is truly an essential element for returning fertility to the soil. This is part of why a rotationally grazed pasture will strengthen over time, reducing weeds and increasing fertility, while a continuously grazed pasture will help the annual weeds and weaken forage. Grass also sequesters carbon dioxide as well or better than trees, for those who worry about carbon overload in our air.

So, to draw the line between these subjects, well-managed herbivores add greatly to soil health and atmospheric balance. Were we to all eschew beef, venison, milk, etc, what would these pastures be instead?

Well, barring the idea of just abandoning them to weeds (we have to eat SOMETHING, after all), let's assume we're vegans and plant something appropriate to our new diet. This is going to require tillage, which exposes (what was) soil rich in microbial activity to the elements. This immediately reduces that biological activity. [we could use a no-till method, but that requires copious herbicide, which also has it's downsides, obviously]. Next we will seed it with our crop of choice - usually soybeans (which have a host of reasons to NOT use as people food), perhaps a small grain like wheat or rye or barley or oats, or maybe even corn, amaranth, or teff? Kidney beans? Garbanzos? Pintos? The options are myriad, but one thing they all have in common... They are annuals. While a stand of grass puts a good portion of it's solar energy into root development (which adds to the soil, when these roots die), an annual lives to produce its seed. The bean, the grain head, whatever. So all the energy it could spare, all the minerals we expect to find in that food, are pulled from its resources and put into that seed. Plant energy (from solar), nutrients and minerals (from soil). The next step is harvesting that (each of these maneuvers probably requires petroleum-powered tractors and equipment, keep in mind), processing, storing, and finally, eating. But then what? What do we do with the field? There may be some plant detritus (straw, if it were wheat or barley, etc) but we need to eat next year too, so what will we do? One might assume that we would plant again... But remember, a huge amount of that soil fertility was taken up into our crop.. That crop was harvested off the field, so with what do we replace it? We could add (using big trucks and tractors, again) expensive, transported loads of compost, but... compost is hard to come by, since we're not raising animals for food anymore (and we can only support so many pets, right?). Barring that, we have to get some chemical (petroleum!) fertilizer to artificially prop up the plants. Keep in mind this field, were we to continue in this manner, would require more and more inputs (fertilizer, pesticides, etc) as the years go on, and our crop would be a little more deficient in trace minerals and nutrients, if it ever manages to produce as much as the first year.

Tell me which of these scenarios is better for the earth? Which adds to carbon sequestration, natural (not petroleum-based) management and fertility?

Joel goes into the historical practices, why pastures required five years of herbivores + grass to = one year of grain, why pork and chicken (omnivores, who often eat grains/seeds) are really less 'environmentally friendly' than grass fed beef (no one thinks grain-stuffed feedlot beef is good for any people or soil or air, right?), and how much we could restore to our earth (and ultimately our health), were we to shift away from grains and annuals (70% of grain produced is used for livestock food - much of it to herbivores which do not require it) and towards pasture-based animal production.

So the next time I run into the argument that veganism = environmentalism, I will want to find out if the person has considered this facet of it. I know I hadn't.

Say What??

I have a friend on facebook who calls himself conservative. He posts articles and comments about big government spending, hates the cronyism, is against bailouts and that kind of thing.

But...

His daughter's boyfriend explains that the people who are supporting them (?) apparently 'take' their foodstamps... and then my friend responds...

• they take our foodstamps for them and expect a months worth of foodstamps to last 4 ppl and a [redacted expletive] black hole a month

  23 hours ago · 
• 
  

   they're taking all the foodstamps and money? I am glad you'll be out of there soon! You don't deserve to be treated like a cash machine...

I wish I had that record-scratching sound effect to use here.

It's wrong to charge rent and groceries to a young (19-20ish) couple, in good health and stamina (who live in your home), but it's ok for that same couple to 'charge' taxpayers for foodstamps??? I expect this from OWS idiots; they're clueless. But this guy and I are often (supposedly) on the same page when it comes to government stupidity. Funny how the same problems we see in "the government" can be practiced by ourselves on a smaller scale.

We ALL have areas like this, I think. Yes, we're against handouts and bailouts... but are we really? When your state is offered 'grant money' for beginning some new educational program, do they take it? Do your conservative friends and neighbors think about how that will be a great opportunity for their kids, or do they think that taking it would be inconsistent with their conservative values? Usually it's the former.

I think about this sometimes when I see an article on some farm that got a nice little grant from the NRCS, or the USDA, or your other four-letter, government-funded acronym. Imagine what I could do with just a fraction of that... The back fence... A hay-feeding shed... A thermostatically-controlled chicken scalder... and a decent motor for the plucker... Oh the ideas!

But am I going to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?

If I don't stand up, how can I expect anyone else to?

• 
  

180

It's been crazy here. Out of town for a week, then furniture to re-arrange and re-assemble; an old vehicle to off-load, and hay to transport and stack. Before we got done I started feeling poorly... and have been in bed for ... well, this is day 4. I THINK I'm improving (but I've said that before). Two babies without so much as a tylenol, but I broke out the ibuprofen when my temp hit 104.2 the other day. Such a wimp, I know. :) No flu, no cold, just fever (heat, chills, sweat, fine, repeat) and bad pain in my back/hips. Which is probably why I awake at 2am and remain that way.

But in any case: This is something you don't want to miss. I remember watching the trailer to this a while back. This is the 'whole thing' and it's worth a watch. Random people on the street, coming to a sudden shift of opinion when reasonable, simple examples are given. Watch...

Motivation?

[emphases all mine]

When you read this:

“Official projections say the world’s population will peak at 9.3 billion [up from 6.6 billion today] but with charitable initiatives, such as better reproductive healthcare, we think we can cap that at 8.3 billion,” ~Bill Gates


"The world today has 6.8 billion people. That's heading up to about nine billion. Now if we do a really great job on new vaccines, health care, reproductive health services, we could lower that by perhaps 10 or 15 percent!" ~Bill Gates

And this, from Malawi Voice:

"About 131 children [from Malawi] who fled into neighboring Mozambique during the anti measles vaccine a few months ago were vaccinated this week at gunpoint."

And this, from Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation:

‘So the country [Malawi], one of the commitments that they’ve made is to build out this cadre of front line workers they call them in their country health surveillance assistants. So every month these 11,000 health surveillance assistants spend 3 weeks out in the villages, talking with the villagers providing basic vaccinations … They make sure the vaccinations happen, not only at the village level but all the way back through the system.’ ~ Melinda Gates on Maternal, Newborn, and Child Health in Malawi


You really have to wonder if it's all "for the good of the poor" or just some diabolical effort to promote their population ideals. (Bill Gates does explain his concerns with overpopulation are served by his global vax efforts. That better health + vaccines = fewer children born, since you don't "need" to have 10 children to get 2 to adulthood. I find this somewhat faulty, because if the diseases are so bad that many don't live to adulthood, why bother attempting to change that via vaccination or anything else?)

Just a thought: WHO the heck do they think they are? Do they really think they should try to control the population of the ENTIRE world?!? Just because they're billionaires, suddenly the rest of us should listen to them (and be subject to their preferences, at gunpoint?) in regards to subjects like this...? If they'd like to lecture about business-building, or some other relevant issue (in regards to their success) I'm all ears. But about medicine? Reproduction? I daresay it's none of their business.

Confirmed Freakhood

We were at Costco the other day, after a full day of errands that I did NOT feel ready for (that holiday week just messed me up), and keeping the kids from climbing into or on the huge displays of everything was wearing on me. I was not thinking of the special joys my children bring, or of their uniqueness and purpose. The hassle was all I could see.

We accepted a few samples along the way (fewer for Little Artist and her dietary limitations), and came upon the dinosaur-shaped chicken nugget stand. The lady smiled at the girls and said, "I have your favorite thing right here! Chicken nuggets!"

Organique grinned at her the same way she had before the grandiose announcement, and I asked her, "have you ever had a chicken nugget, honey?"

"No," shaking her head, still grinning. The lady looked from her to me, with some astonishment. Big Sister spoke up, "oh yeah, I think I had these once." Shock registered on the sample-giver's face. I smiled and mentioned that we DO eat chicken, it's just usually shaped more like a chicken, and less like a dinosaur, since we raise them ourselves.... and the work involved to get it to nugget-stage just wouldn't be worth it. :) Her eyebrows rose a bit and she said she wouldn't know how to do that (raise and process chickens) at all. I smiled again and pointed to Big Sister and Little Artist. "It's not too hard. They can do the whole thing, on their own." The shock returned to the lady's expression, but it included a bit less of "horrified" than the earlier nugget-less revelation. I think she was amazed.

And I got a little reminder, in the midst of a hard day, that my girls are not wholly trouble and trial. They are pretty amazing, too. :) 


And the fact that I look with joy at my girls because they each can eviscerate an entire chicken on their own (several, actually), and identify all the pertinent parts... Well, that confirms that I'm a freak, I'm pretty sure. I look forward with both anticipation and trepidation to the day when our children look back on their childhood and realize just how bizarre we truly are... :)

Church World

There have been so many jokes running around about the Rapture That Wasn't, and on Sunday at church the pastor (?) had an admonishment: He would NOT mock the return of Christ, even if he did think the whole 'calculated time' thing was ill-advised. He said the atheists and heathen do this, and he hates seeing Christians joining them in it.

I of course waved my arm (we have a fairly informal setting, do you think?) and pointed out that if it wasn't this, it would be something else; that the Church seems to go to a lot of effort (or perhaps the lack of effort produces it) to look and act like the world in a lot of ways. The way we mock the rapture-foretelling, how we dress, how we look, how we talk, what we find entertaining, where we spend our money, etc...

This grieves me. And no, I'm not trying to be on a high-horse, proclaiming "biblical" models for dress (shouldn't we wear camel-hair robes, maybe?), just sad at the heart of things. Where is the difference? WHY should the world want what we have? In the quest to be "culturally relevant," are we blurring the lines which might otherwise distinguish us? Or are we spending our lives splashing in the "freedom of Christ" without thinking of our testimony, or building anything that will last?

Don't get me wrong; I know we have freedom, I know we sin, I know God forgives. But part of that circle is repentance. And if it's there, it's hiding. Shouldn't Jesus be more than a Get-Out-Of-Hell-Free card? Shouldn't there be fruit? Why are Christians drinking to drunkenness, and celebrating it? Why are they wearing *skimpy* costumes to role-playing parties? Why would a single (Christian) woman publicly announce her pregnancy on facebook - to cheers and congratulations? I understand sinning, falling. I understand immaturity that doesn't lend itself to wisdom and discretion for a while. But I don't understand the collective celebratory attitudes. Where is the repentance? Where is the humility? And more, what is the Christian's responsibility in it? Do we have a responsibility? How do you respond to this? Is silence a worthy statement? Instead of congratulations, should we offer condolences? How do we show Christ's righteous love without either condoning or condemning? Is it just "none of our business" and we pretend we don't see?

I think maybe the cut-and-dried answers are few, and the Spirit must lead our response. Perhaps the woman announcing on facebook truly thinks sexual activity outside marriage for Christians isn't a big deal. Perhaps she feels entitled to the same expressed joy as any other expectant mother. But... perhaps her heart condemns her thoroughly. Perhaps she is grasping, begging, for anyone to affirm her, to find some good in her circumstances.  I'd guess most of us are not privy to which of these she thinks or feels. What else is there but to be led by the Spirit? And pray, pray, pray...

A Chainsaw, Part 2

Read part 1 here.

I bet you're wondering what this has to do with a chainsaw about now. :)

Realizing we were completely overlooked by my grandpa and my cousin - in favor of good citizens and homeless pets - was hard to assimilate. It hurt. Really hurt. I began to second-guess all our interactions with Gramps' over recent years, his relationship with my husband (seemingly close, when we visited). I took inventory to see if I could pinpoint anything I did or was doing that would deserve (at least in his eyes) this. My brother owed him money (measured in the hundreds, NOT thousands), but I didn't. :) I began to see that even if I didn't feel legally entitled, there was obviously a reason that I felt so slighted.

So I began to blame myself in a more spiritual sense. :) There is a reason GOD chose not to provide this for us. We aren't trustworthy. "What would you do, hon, if we suddenly had $30,000 fall into our lap?" I asked. "Build my shop. Maybe get a bigger truck." Aha! Now I could blame my husband. :D "See honey, that's why God didn't give us an inheritance from Grandpa. We're selfish." (I did say this with a grin) "Could be.." he said.

I reminded myself that God is not bound by my grandpa's will. That HE is far more concerned, involved, and able than my grandpa was. My girls' future is not limited or hindered by the absence of Gramps' inheritance (even if he missed out on that blessing).  And I was told something that made it obvious... something about a chainsaw. :)

Among the crap tools we brought back from Grandpa's overstuffed garage was a chainsaw. I don't know why Hubby grabbed that; we already had a big one and a little one (I think) here. Maybe he wanted a middle-sized one so he could make up his own bizarre Goldilocks tale. Also, there was something wrong with it, and it wouldn't stay on. He gave it to one of our cousins nearby. This cousin ended up giving it to his dad in another state, though he really wanted and needed one. His dad fixed it without any trouble, and Cousin's next-door-neighbor GAVE him one - nearly identical but smaller, which was better - that worked perfectly. Cousin's dad, after fixing the chainsaw, used it.

He used it to cut firewood. He was hired to help some millionaire clear some land, so he has done so. He has been able to sell the wood, gaining much-needed income for himself and his wife. More than that, he has cut firewood and GIVEN it to SIX families - most of them older widows I think - who were in dire straits for heating their homes this winter.

When our cousin told me this story, I was encouraged. Encouraged that God can take so little, and bless so many. Just because my grandpa and my cousin limited our portion does NOT mean that our portion is worthless. One faulty chainsaw barely registers in the Total Estate Value, but look! It provided heat for six families and income for another! Plus, someone is getting their land cleared. I believe, if we keep an open hand, that these blessings will multiply and GOD will be glorified. We won't be resting in the faith we have in Grandpa's money, but in the faith we have in God. And perhaps Jesus has a better plan. Just maybe. :)

A Chainsaw, Part 1

My grandpa died a couple years back. You remember I got his dishes. :) It has been a journey for me in several ways, some parts are harder than others. It wasn't until last winter that we were able to lay some rumors to rest, find out truth, and live with it. :)

By nature I'm not someone who feels a lot of entitlement. I don't think I'm "owed" much by others. When hugely and obviously slighted by (someone I thought was) a friend, I grieved only before my husband, and the "friend" didn't know I'd even noticed (she admitted months later to doing it on purpose, to gauge my reaction and therefore measure my connection to her...!). I don't think the rich should be taxed so I can have the benefit of the money THEY earned. If you invite a roomful of people to something, I won't assume I'm part of that unless there is eye contact and clarification. :)

I found this challenged, however, when the details of my grandpa's estate became known. The man died with 1 living child (my uncle) and four grandchildren, as well as a son-in-law (oh, and five great-granddaughters either here or on-the-way). He also died with about a half-million dollars, plus his guns, vehicles, and 'stuff' that we helped clear out. We were tremendously blessed to be able to have the aforementioned dishes, various power tools and the like. The will (which we only saw by researching public records) gave his son anything he wanted from the 'stuff ' (the car, several guns), and the remainder to my 2nd-cousin-once-removed - Gramps' nephew. At the time of the memorial, my cousin made a show of taking my and my brother's addresses and contact information, so he could reach us "when everything gets sorted out." That contact never came, though we did pass a few emails back and forth. In one, I was very humble yet very frank in some questions. The biggest one of which was whether or not he knew why my grandpa made no provision for any of his own great-grandchildren. Whether I had done something offensive, or if this was one of his 'moods' where he just became angry at the world for no apparent reason (I was a little more tactful than this). I also asked details about the will and estate that I understood he might not answer. :) The response to this, after being more-than-forthcoming/accommodating in other emails, was a curt, "I'm sorry you weren't able to get your questions answered while your Grandpa was still here." Of course, it's hard to know the details of someone's private will when they're still alive, but anyway...

Eventually I found out that my uncle was given a portion of money - probably to keep him from asking for anything more. My cousin took a tour of Scotland and England with his wife (they have no children) and set up some charitable funds. One is for youth organizations and good citizens, the other is to help our state's homeless pets. I forget the terms (one is only to have the interest dispersed, maintaining the principle forever, the other can be distributed at my cousin's determination. I think you have to apply for these like grants, and my cousin, maybe a board of people at the overseeing firm, makes the decisions).

At the end of the two years or so of wondering, and finally figuring out the facts, I was left with some pretty hurtful realizations. My grandpa (and/or my cousin) thinks homeless pets are more deserving than his own progeny. OUCH. The will made no mention of my brother or I, mentioning our mother only as deceased. OUCH. A fraction of that money could have changed my girls' world - but a faceless 'good citizen' merits favor instead. OUCH.

I was also sad for Grandpa. "A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children" Proverbs 13:22a. He missed out on this. He could've reached past himself and touched those in his own family, those who bear his image, in a fashion. He could've provided opportunity to his own great-grandchildren, who would bless his name their entire lives. His benevolence might've been passed down to future generations even. - I'm not even talking about what hundreds-of-thousands of dollars would do. More like a fund for education, or towards a home, or...? A way to start out more financially secure in life, or money to fund missions trips, or...?  And he missed out on that. Homeless pets are important, but his efforts* on their behalf will not make a lasting impact on the world, or even on his family. If, as I would imagine would be likely had I heard this story from someone else, there was something completely objectionable in my life or my brother's that warranted the obvious and pointed disinheriting, I would have wished him to make an effort to counsel us. Even if we disagreed, I would at least have the knowledge that he had purpose and reason for his decision. He chose not to.

To be continued....





*I don't believe homeless pets were in his will. I think my cousin made the choice toward these charitable foundations, but in either case, Grandpa didn't leave any instruction otherwise.

Fear of Man

I do pretty well in this regard. After all... well, my blog speaks to how I dare live. :)

But sometimes I *do* have those moments.. Moments where I'm not comparing myself with what God has called me to, but with others. I was clicking through facebook (first mistake, I know) to a family I lived by when I was very young. I was friends with the oldest girl, and we used to play together all the time. She had 2 younger brothers, which we were fond of 'tricking' into play. We would play monopoly with them, and laugh hysterically as we "made change" with the play money, as they mistakenly thought they were getting more money. On a few occasions we convinced them to let us dress them in dresses, complete with makeup and hair accessories. Their dad put a stop to that, however. Their baby sister was the first newborn I ever remember laying eyes on. We were next-door neighbors, and we seemed on even ground back then. :) Of course that wasn't completely true; her mom had a career on hold while she raised her kids, her dad was a lawyer that served in the state legislature. My mom was a handicapped divorcée who moved with her 2 kids into her grandma's home.

Her parents still live in the (nicely remodeled) home, and my great-aunt still gets rent payments from the next-door address. But that's about it, for similarities...

Today my friend is mom to two little boys, works full-time in the public education system after getting her post-graduate degree(s?) in California. The boys we used to dress up like girls? Working in DC and running a business in another major metropolitan area. The newborn is now a 6'3" college graduate who just moved to Australia...

...And me? Um, I kill chickens. Yes, that is the thought that comes to mind when I compare myself to everyone else's accomplishments. :)

I need to remember (and I do most times) that I don't live this life thoughtlessly. I am purposefully living as best I can, the life I'm convinced I will not regret 50 years from now. We all pour ourselves out for something, and if it's for self, well, that dies with us. God, home, family, children; these things will last beyond ourselves, and I pray my efforts in these areas will produce and re-produce after I'm gone. I do not mean to imply that the family I mentioned above is in any way inferior to this: Indeed, I have no idea of their lives beyond that shallow "facebook profile" and would not presume to know anything more.

My mom used to quote some scripture to me: "They who compare themselves with themselves are not wise." Huh? That never made any sense to me. Of COURSE if you compare yourself with yourself, you're a little weird. But I came to understand that we are talking of groups here. We are not wise to compare our fallen human self to another fallen human. Looking at that mom with a cleaner house, or more consistent discipline, or more time to minister, or salon-cut hair... that's just not wise. It doesn't add to us, it doesn't edify. We either come away from the comparison thinking, "Yep, *I*'ve got it together more than her! Good thing I'm so holy..." OR (which is probably much more common) "Why can't I do it the way she does? What did I do wrong to miss out on that kind of opportunity?" THAT doesn't do anything for us, either.

What then do we do?

We compare to God, and His plan. We never come away from that thinking "Good thing I'm so holy.." We align with what He's called us to, and realize that is the only opportunity that matters.  We keep our eyes on God, and He can work out whether he wants us publishing research in a respectable scientific journal, or feeding a group of children decent meals every day. It's not the research, nor the feeding, that matter ultimately, but whether we are doing that which God has called us to.

I am going to try to remember this, to hide it in my heart for when I run into facebook profiles, for family reunions, and especially holiday newsletter time... :)

Drowning

Last night I went to a monthly bible study for Moms. It's a varied group; many churches represented, several homeschoolers, and it's a lovely group. The venue changes, and last night we were able to switch last-minute: the neighbor of our intended hostess wasn't going to be able to make it since her husband was working late. She welcomed us to her home instead, so she could attend for the first time.

After the study, we enjoyed some pie and ice cream, and then took a tour of her older home. It's near where we first lived in town, but bigger (not BIG mind you, just bigger than our tiny 872 sf home), and beautifully remodeled/fixed up. Apparently there are still things they intend to do, but really it was breathtaking. Not because it was just *so fancy*, but because they have four children, the oldest of whom is 7. *I* have four children, and my oldest is nine.

I'm trying to be inspired. I really am. But it wars with discouragement, and I'm not sure which is winning today. Her carpet is soft, and new, and there are no apple cores to be found within its fibers. Her children's rooms are painted beautifully, and no one has taken a pen or marker or pencil or sharp utensil to them. Their beds have (coordinated!) blankets, and none of them were on the floor. Her converted attic loft/guest/storage area, for which she apologized, looks like any "after" photo I might take after a real effort at cleaning/organizing/decorating. How does she do it? How does anyone do it? Why can't I???

I sat with the kids today, and we held hands and prayed about this. I pointed out that I had vacuumed up all the cornmeal two days ago. Someone poured more on the floor of the schoolroom. I told them the miracle(s) that brought this house to us. I asked them if they gave someone a gift, if they would want that gift to be loved or not. I showed them the (pieces of) crayons I just picked up from all over the floor - for the second day in a row. The tape stuck to the floor in great, wasteful lengths. The bookshelf overturned in the bedroom. Who does this kind of thing?

I am not completely ignorant. I have not completely neglected the training of my children. But oh my gosh it sure looks that way. Where am I missing it here? Why the glaring, glaring difference between two otherwise similar households? I do not (seriously) require the jacuzzi tubs, or a fireplace in my bedroom suite, or glassed-in showers, or the stainless fridge-over-freezer. But oh, an apple-core-free carpet would be fantastic. A little order to rest in, without sacrificing three times over when the girls have five minutes to their own devices. Without abandoning sleep altogether, what can I do to close the gap??

Another Treasure

Don't worry.  I still LOVE my kindle. :)  I use it every day pretty much, whether for school or my own self, and I'm not likely to slow down on that much.

But I got something for my birthday that is just about as nifty. I decided an ipod would be really fantastic.  I coveted my friend's ipod Touch a while back (don't worry; I repented), amazed at the way the screen would turn with the ipod if you wanted to read tall or wide, impressed with the touchscreen and smoothly slowing scrolling down the page.  It could access internet for heaven's sake.  I barely knew what else it was for.

But nifty screens and internet wouldn't really enrich my life for the long run, so I did research.  I'm still no expert, but it turns out that there are quite an assortment of ipods and generations of ipods out there. My niece got a tiny ipod nano for Christmas, which is about a 1.5-inch touchscreen, but holds a relatively small amount of memory. I saw photos online of the new ipod shuffle (also smaller memory, no screen and no programming - just shuffling).  In real life the thing is TINY!  Like postage-stamp tiny!    The Touch started at 8 GB of memory, but also at $230.  The classic sure offered a lot more memory (the new 7th generation ipods start at 160 GB!  What are they putting on those, anyways? All 20th century film and music?), but the same out-of-range pricetag.  I started watching ebay for auctions (and my, there are SO many!) and gathering info on the older ipods.  Then I lost a whole lot of auctions. :)  I got serious finally, and bought a just-right 30 GB ipod classic, Generation Five, in white (matches my computer even, but not my kindle). For a much more reasonable price.

It came from Maryland. A gangster in Maryland named Jeff, apparently, based on the contents of the ipod.  I sew aprons and homeschool, and I didn't know who Li'l Wayne was. Jay Z? I recognized some of the names from when I was in school (Notorious B.I.G.  R.E.M. Green Day Beastie Boys), but seriously?  This is music?!?  I scrolled through approximately 3 seconds each of 67 songs (thought that might've been the contents, but was only one playlist) and were I Catholic I'd have had to attend Confession straightaway.  Yikes!  I'm not Catholic though, so I prayed for Jeff's salvation instead.  I admit, while cleaning the kitchen, I did rock out to Michael Jackson's Thriller (well, inasmuch as one can rock out in an apron and slippers).

Then the true Redemption occurred.  I plugged in the ipod, renamed it "Mama's Ipod"** and trashed all 2400+ gangster rapper songs AND the Family Guy episode and whatever movie(s) Dave Chaparelle or Chapelle had.  This was the "Dead to Sin" part.  After that I uploaded some podcast preachin', some homeschool convention lectures, some worship music... A splash of holy water and a dab of anointing oil later, and we managed "Alive to Christ!"  [I hope I'm not blasphemin' here.  No disrespect intended.]

Seriously though, I am LOVING this. And the iTunes store? Wow. I don't know if they sell music (okay, I'm sure they do), but the podcast stuff is amazing.

I can attend Voddie Baucham's Family Conference (or whatever it was) while I scrub the toilets!  I can listen to House of Bread, preaching my Dad is ALWAYS telling me to listen to (it's great, truly) in the van on the way to errands.  If the kids aren't with me, I can listen to The Ramp sermons (are they sermons?  They're pretty excited, and southern) my cousin told me about while I do my shopping!  I can re-hear homeschool convention speakers, which is nice since I spent the live-version juggling a baby and a toddler and didn't exactly take notes.  I. have. even. managed. to. put. my. workout. on. there.  I know, anyone who has been part of this century lately knows all this already, but remember: I kill chickens every June.  This is big.  Truly, the workout plays right there on the little screen, though I can't flail my arms about when there are wires between my ears and an upright ipod, and I can't see the screen when the thing's tucked into the back of my britches, so...  As far as I know, I can't get just the audio track without (horror of horrors) spending money on a program to do that, but I would if I could (do it for free).

It really has enriched my life.  It's hard to yell very loudly at your naughty child when Julie True is crooning some beautiful Jesus-worship in your ear (sometimes I have to go mono, see, for the sake of parenting and all that).  Hearing some church, when I'm not simultaneously counting and locating my children (or if I DO have to do that, I can use pause and rewind!) keeps me focused on God more than I was before.  Prayer is up, too.  Perspective freshened.

I have an anti-progress bias in some areas (organic farming, in some ways), but this kind of technology can help increase Kingdom in the world.  In my house, at least. :)  I am grateful for this blessing, and I'm so glad to have such a meaningful birthday gift!





**Truth be told I call it "Granny."  If the 7th generation was just born, and this is the 5th generation, it is a grandparent, is it not?  And I think it's a girl, so Granny it is..

Another Habit

This year may be a year of transition for me.  Not only do I have the whole text-message protocol (or lack thereof) to process, NOW I find out that I shouldn't be typing two spaces between sentences! I really am astonished at this. I've never even HEARD such a thing. The reasons make sense, and I'll put some effort towards changing that habit, but it won't be easy! In fact, right now I'm putting two spaces and a delete between each sentence. :]

What irks me just as much as the relearning is the fact that I was taught wrongly.  That really bothers me! It wasn't because the teacher was mean, or doing it on purpose (I learned in a class with both typewriter and computer). But it really gives substance to the scripture, "A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher." (Luke 6:40) 


I've spent half my life in what I now discover is a bad habit since that 'full training.' How careful we need to be in choosing teachers! Typing two spaces, as hard as it may be to change, is a mild thing compared to other habits we learn and practice. 


Habit of overeating. Habit of laziness. Habit of self-serving. Habit of overspending. How about our thoughts? Habits of judgment, of assumption. Habits of seeing God inaccurately. Habit of believing our own strength is enough (or thinking that it SHOULD be). 


So much to learn, to change. The good news is that for all the important ones, the answer boils down to One Thing.


Love.


Love Him. Be loved by Him.

33

It was a good year for Jesus.  He fulfilled his destiny, changed the world forever, conquered sin and death...

I'm not exactly aspiring to all that (maybe I should be...?), but trying to walk where my Father leads.  Trying to let Him love me (which will fulfill an element of my destiny).

Today there is a mountain of laundry, and bay leaves (?) crumbled on a bathroom floor.  Considering last year's gift was a little more dramatic, I'm counting this as serious progress. :)

I get to have lunch with a friend/cousin, and facebook is overflowing with birthday wishes.  If I play my cards right, I might even manage a discount on some eggs... :)

Thank you Lord, for life.

War of the Worlds

This is one of those stories I need to write down for posterity.  You might know of the War of the Worlds movie with Tom Cruise.  I recall an earlier version, watching it on my mom's (well, my grandparents', but they moved out of their house so my mom, brother, and I could live there) old 8-foot-long tv.  The TV was set in the middle, and cloth-and-wood covered speakers were built-in at either side.  The green animated laser beams were just slightly less frightening than my mom's tale of people jumping to their deaths in fear that this story was real.

Gi-gi remembers this time.  It was 1938, according to Wikipedia.  The story was broadcast on radio, and there were those that didn't realize it was just a story.  I asked Gi-gi how that could be, and she said that there was always a lot of static, things weren't near as clear as they are nowadays, and when you only caught the gist, well, I guess it sounded pretty real.

Gi-gi was 11.  She had an older sister married, two older brothers at home, 2 younger brothers, the baby sister, plus mom and dad.  They lived along the river where they farmed a little, and her dad might've been in the state legislature at this time, or had already served a term or two.  I don't know if the family was gathered around the radio for the evening's entertainment, or if suddenly their ears were tuned to the broadcast, but  at whatever point, Grandma Great came to believe that martians were truly invading the earth.

This is where my modern sense starts to balk (seriously, you didn't know it was just a story??), but there is something to be learned here.

My great grandma Betty, who was 41, did not jump out a window.  Not that they had a window tall enough to jump to your death, but still.  She quietly gathered her six children and walked them out to the riverbank to await The End.  She was a Scotch Presbyterian and had great faith.  If this was it, then she was ready; she encouraged her children to be brave, and to meet the Lord with gladness.

I pause here with tears in my eyes.  My comfortable existence has a hard time imagining this.  Would I be as calm, as prepared, as willing to gather my children and gracefully meet our expected demise?  At the hands of invading aliens, no less?!?

I'm not sure how long they waited, or if it was daylight or nighttime, but at some point my great-grandfather said, "Betty, get back in this house! and bring the kids!" or something to that effect.  :)  I don't know if Grandma Great woke up the next day ashamed of her actions, or with a greater gratitude for her family and life, but the memory has stuck with her children at least.

What do you think YOU would do, at such a time?

Salmonella?

That looks to be among the LEAST of the problems with this system.



I didn't understand what I was seeing in some of that footage, but there are dead/dying hens with prolapsed uteri, eggs resting on corpses, manure-covered hens, and worse.

I've sometimes rethought the passionate words I typed in a former post, exhorting us all to trust God for provision that doesn't violate His creation.  There are moments that just seems so elitist, so arrogant.  And then I'm reminded of things like this, and I'm convinced all over again.

Perhaps not surprisingly, this stirs up my politics too.  Not in the way of some, "why is this legal?  The government needs to do something about this!" but more, "see what happens when we trust some bureaucracy?  When we give regulating power over to some Department, when we allow the FDA or EPA or USDA to say what "organic" means - and then trust it?" [just to clarify, the above video was NOT of organic production, but if you trust a product just because it sports the organic logo, you're trusting someone else to control your food] Please, know where your food comes from.  Educate yourself.  If you're not sure, take a notepad with you to the store, and jot down brands/products you could know more about.  Do you know which "organic" milk brands are from cows raised on cement, in the dark, with organic grain as feed?  Which ones feed at least a portion of hay and use pasture when possible?  Which brands of cheese use milk from rBST-treated cows?  Better yet, buy what you can locally, put 100% of the price of your food into the producer's hands.  Isn't this a lot of work?  Maybe.  But do one thing at a time.  Eggs, this month.  Learn, choose, buy.  Do it consciously, not like one more Black Friday lemming who is swayed by every wind of advertisement.  Next month, milk, or yogurt, or some other staple of your home.  You can't change the big company featured in the video, but you can certainly change where your own grocery budget goes, who and what your dollars support.

Is it worth it?  You bet!  You will (probably) get far better food when you're judging its source for yourself.  There is something very satisfying about looking someone in the eye who caretakes your eggs, or beef, or carrots, or whatever.  You don't need to worry "where it came from" when you feed it to your children, whether their fried egg was first with a corpse, then workers-of-questionable-hygeine, then chemicals, then..?  If you are concerned about the well-being of the land, you can determine whether you're a help or hindrance to that, with your purchases.  You will more likely be eating fresher food and avoiding genetically-modified frankenfood.

You can do it!  Don't trust Big Brother with your food!  That responsibility is yours! :)


More on egg production/processing here.

Giving Thanks For...

...Stretch marks?

Mary Grace has a beautiful post up.

Amazon Again

UPDATE:  Amazon has pulled the title.  I have issued a 'thank you' email, and my hopes they will use better discretion in the future, in their decisions on where/how to profit. :)

Some time ago I had a purchasing problem with Amazon.  Within a year (!) it was resolved, more or less, and I went back to buying from them.

Today, however, I am rethinking that.

Raising Homemakers on facebook posted a link (not for young readers) to an article discussing Amazon's defense of a pedophile's "How-To Manual."  I am all for free-speech, but I certainly don't have to support it with MY dollars, if I don't like it.  This bothers me greatly, considering my new favorite treasure, and all my gift cards, but this is pretty disgusting.  I am hoping they pull the title soon, and put the FBI on the author's tail.

Here is my email, to jeff@amazon.com (Amazon's CEO, Jeff Bezos):

Mr. Bezos,

I am a longtime customer of amazon.com.  I have bought food, books, household products, electronics, and more.  I recently purchased a kindle, and have wishlists many pages long, full of your products.  I have a handful of gift cards I was just getting ready to redeem, and an order pending in my mind, if not yet on your system. :)

However, I am dismayed to learn of your company's defense of the title "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure."  As I understand it, this is a how-to guide for committing (and getting away with) serious illegal acts, the exploitation and injury of children.

I understand the free-speech debate.  As a borderline libertarian, I defend much of what I disagree with.  However, I don't think this falls under that heading.  Amazon.com should not profit from encouraging such acts.  Would you sell a how-to manual on kidnap and rape?  On blowing up airplanes, and getting past security?  On murder?  I sincerely hope you would not; those titles may exist, but I would hope you would be above such business.  

Please consider removing the title from your 'shelves.'  It would not hurt you to do so, and it would go a long way in securing future business from myself and other concerned buyers.

Sincerely,

EllaJac 

Per Raising Homemakers, you can also write to Amazon.Com P.O. Box 81226 Seattle, Wa. 98108-1226 

Or call 1-866-321-8851 reference ASIN#B0049U4CF6

There Are Days...

...in which I desire to be an example of joyful motherhood.

And come across as an advertisement for birth control.


May those days be few.