Me

My feeling dissatisfied with the "Christian Status Quo" has only been increasing lately. I recognize that it is a dissatisfaction primarily with myself, but partly at the teaching or training I've been willing to receive (or not receive) in the past.

I wish to be a light. Or even a road sign. When the world looks upon me and my family, I want them to be pointed to Christ.

I am overwhelmed by what a poor example I am. Do I look any different than the heathen? Do I act or speak any differently? I'm afraid the answer is often no.

I've grown up to embrace the freedom and liberty that is found in Christ. When legalism was recognized, it was quickly put away. These are good things to do! But I fear I have lived in the "all things are lawful" camp without seriously looking at the "but not all things edify" camp. Pretty soon, in the "all things are lawful" camp, the skirts are as short as the world's. The shirts are as tight and sparkly as the immoral girl's. Our language isn't any purer than our wardrobe, and I don't refer solely to swearing. The subjects we speak of, the jokes we tell, the gossip we engage in. The fine line between enjoying good wine and being drunk becomes fuzzy. What movies and music and media do we consume? Furthermore, what movies and music do we feed our children? When we gather around the table or for fellowship, would an outsider looking in see Christ glorified? Do our children see Him lifted up?

My heart sinks in me to answer these questions.

Does my dress measure up to scripture when it admonishes women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. 1 Tim 2:9-10

Instead of loud, immodest (drawing attention) behavior, the Bible actually tells us to adorn with the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 1 Pet. 3:4

Regarding our words, God says Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Eph. 4:29

When I think about watching or reading something, do I consider His Word when it admonishes me to set no wicked thing before mine eyes? Psalm 101:3a

I'm afraid I don't know whether I am an old woman or young woman at this point, but I have been amazed to find instruction for myself either way. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5 This one really packs in the conviction. I haven't studied out the greek or consulted my lexicon, but on the surface it looks like my failure here results in blasphemy of God's word.

Blasphemy.

Is your head bowed low? Mine is.

I have read the Bible. I have even studied it at a Christian university. Why didn't I know it said these things? Do we just glance over these verses, assuming they were for a "different time and culture" and therefore not applicable to us? We can wear tight, low-cut clothing, because, after all, it's not tight, see-through clothing like we see on those women. Or maybe we can wear it because it will help us reach the lost. There are a few instances when our dress can help or hinder our witness, certainly, but truth-be-told, if you are 'poor,' you don't ask investment advice from a guy dressed as shabbily as you. And if he tried to hand out that advice, you'd probably not buy it.

Let there not be a 'difference' between me and the unbeliever because of pride. Not so *I* can be noticed.

I don't even know how to wrap this one up. I guess if I keep pressing onward, he which hath begun a good work in [me] will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Phil. 1:6