Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A Day In The Life...

...Of Gi-gi.

I just got off the phone with her, and decided I needed to record her goings-on of yesterday for posterity.

Do keep in mind that she is 81 and has macular degeneration, which greatly hinders her detail-vision (though she just passed her vision test - thanks to her freaky binocular glasses - and skills test for her driver's license - again).

Gi-gi was taking a shower yesterday, and she got some shampoo in her eyes. As is her habit sometimes, she sat/leaned against the ceramic soap dish that is embedded in the tile wall while she cleared her eyes. The soap dish gave out, and she and it crashed down to the edge of the tub. She stood up and picked up the thing to examine it, and realized that it had some considerably jagged/pointy protrusions. About this time she also noticed that her feet and everything around them were red... with blood. She of course called 911 immediately reached back and realized that she had a pretty big gash in her, um, gluteus maximus. Blood was flowing everywhere. At this point she of course called 911 immediately decided it was more than she could first-aid herself, so of course called 911 immediately grabbed four washcloths to apply pressure and of course called 911 immediately wrangled herself into a pair of her late sister's compression stockings and got dressed. Then she gathered a few items and got into her car and drove to the emergency room church where she attended Mass and said her Rosary. After this, she got the attention of a close friend and said, "[Friend], I have a first-aid job for you. I fell in the shower this morning and cut my rear. I have some band-aids here and some duct tape.." (no, I'm not kidding)

Shw showed her friend the injured area, and when her friend removed the four blood-soaked washcloths and the blood started gushing again she exclaimed, "[Gi-gi], you're gonna need a lot more than duct tape! I'm taking you to the ER!"

"You are not! [insert tirade about doctors, Medicare, and drug companies here]"

"Well, there's a Doc-in-the-box up the road here, I'll drive you."

"You'll do no such thing. If you drive me I'll be without wheels and I have a luncheon at 1:00."

"Fine, I'll follow you but you've gotta get that taken care of."

Gi-gi complied, probably because her retired-nurse, back-alley, duct-tape trauma care plan wasn't going to fly. She lay on her side while the doctor and nurse practitioner did "running stitches" for 45 minutes. Apparently those were required to sew deeper into muscle tissue for the six-inch gash.

Of course, she kept them in stitches for the duration with tales of previous back-alley trauma-care events.

They told her she couldn't take a bath for awhile.

"I haven't had a bath in 30 years."

She's very proud that she "has the skin of a 50-year-old."

She's also proud that she has "so much good, healthy red blood." She thanks her vitamin E and other supplements for that.

She told me she really has a "high tolerance for pain."

And she made it to her luncheon on time.

4 comments:

MamaJ said...

HA!!! Your Gi-gi sounds like my Mammaw. She will never go to the Dr. until she has tried every last homeopathic/herbal/car mechanic/duct tape remedy herself. I am glad she's okay.

Cayce said...

Oh...that was JUST the laugh I needed on this Friday. And from the sounds of your Gi-gi, I'm not laughing at her, I'm laughing with her.

annie said...

HILARIOUS.

gi-gi sounds like a hoot. :)

Mommy Lynda said...

HAHAHAHA. That was my first reaction to this! I'm still grinning and trying not to giggle. She's a character. The world will be a little grayer once she's gone and taken some of that color with her! She must have a million funny stories inside her. I know she must drive you crazy sometimes. Sounds like a treasure.