Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Christian Liberty, Revisited

A few posts ago I asked how we, as Christians, should train our children to love others without approving of their choices/habits/activities - especially when they are embraced by other Christians. I wrote the post quickly, messily, and with half my brain otherwise occupied, but the comments brought up some interesting points. In one, Andi points out,
Perhaps (probably?) there are bigger heart issues God is more concerned about dealing with in them than (insert activity here).
First, I completely agree. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Sam. 16:7). However, out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). Stacy MacDonald, in a brief interview in The Monstrous Regiment of Women, points out that as Christians, we bespeak the nature of God. She says that if we wear maternity clothes, we shouldn't be surprised if people think we're pregnant. If we wear the uniform of a police officer, we shouldn't be surprised if people think we're in law enforcement. It follows that if we dress immodestly, we shouldn't be surprised if people think we're loose. Taking that one step further, if we dress as though we are loose when we're not, we are lying about the nature of God. This is not an exact quote, and I wish I had the time to put the DVD on and type it out word for word. In the same way we would be careful about 'tricking' someone into thinking we're in law enforcement (doesn't that get jail time?), we should take care not to run around lying about the nature of God. Whether we're "electing" pastors who cannot manage their own household (1 Tim. 3:4), or dressing in a way to "cause my brother to stumble (1 Cor. 8:13)." Now, men are also admonished to treat "younger women as sisters, with absolute purity(1 Tim. 5:2)," but we should be communicating purity from our heart through our dress and actions. I don't mean for this post to be so narrow in focus, because this dilemma reaches much farther than modesty*, but teaching that is one monumental task in this world today, and it serves as a useful example.

Andi further states,
I'm not so sure I agree that "it's not our job to tell them" -- if you genuinely think the problem is that they don't know, isn't that exactly what Jesus would have you do? Of course, you'll need to do so lovingly, humbly, gently, non-judgmentally, in a "I want to look out for you and help you however I can" sort of way. Just because it isn't politically correct to be in somebody else's business doesn't mean it isn't biblical (given the right kind of relationship and heart attitude).
This would really be something. "I don't mean to offend, but I'm really afraid your wardrobe is mocking God..." Speaking of modest dress, I was blown away by reading about what young men in particular deem modest and deem... a stumbling block. Take a look yourself. Now, back to the logistics of this, it's not like it's one dear friend that I could sit with privately and mention my concerns. Maybe that's what she refers to by "the right kind of relationship." Granted, I don't get out much, but I see more cleavage at church than anywhere else. I see more skin-tight, see-through, low-cut garb during worship than I see in WalMart's junior section. Having had a glimpse of what (little) it takes to make it difficult for men to 'treat younger women as sisters, with all purity,' I am aghast the sensual barrage my almost-14-year-old nephew is presented with when he walks through the doors of the church! I assume it's hard enough for him to guard his heart against what the world has to offer; must the worship team and other Christians** add to the struggle? Or, in regards to my original question, does my silence towards these uninformed girls/women and participation in church or other events constitute tacit endorsement? If not, will my six-year-old still see it as such?

*Modesty to me is not limited to clothing, but encompasses action, thought, words.. heart. Modesty is purposely not drawing attention to oneself (flaunting), including attention from the opposite sex.

**I am not talking solely about "new" Christians, or until-recently-unchurched youth, though they don't help either. I'm referring to women of the faith that should know better, girls with parents that should know better, even women "of position" in the church.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I agree with what Andi said "As far as seeing something that seems to contradict what you're trying to teach, I think the primary thing we all need to remember is that just because we are Christian does not mean we are perfect." What God might be dealing with in one person is not necessarily what God is dealing with another one on, for example, God may be dealing with Louise on not smoking, but God is at the same time dealing with Bob on the way he runs his mouth. Or, God may be dealing with Elizabeth on her prudent judgements towards another Christian of the faith while He is also dealing with Madison on her immodest dress. You see, God is dealing with different people at different levels. I have never met a "perfect" christian, because what and where you may think you have it right in many areas, you are probably missing it in many other areas. Everybody is on a pirlrimage with the Lord and He is responsible for their character and their salvation, and the working out in that. The scripture spells it out even better, "who are you to judge another's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand (Rom. 14:4).
We as Christains try to play God but as Romans 14: 10-13 says, weak and strong Christians alike shall all stand, not at each other's judgment seats, but before the judgment seat of Christ. That judgment will be based on what we have done in this life(2Cor.5:10).
We are admonished to teach the younger ones in the faith but ultimately it is Christ who is responsible for their character and His character being made perfect in them.
Im sure your 6 year old is old enough to understand this. The two most important things a christian must have, what actually defines a christian is,"Love the Lord your God" and "love your neighbor as yourself." As to how to wrap it all up for you child, what you decide to teach your child is your own business. There are things that i will not allow my children to do, that for some christian homes may be acceptable. Im the parent so therefore i get to decide.I do not let my children spend the night at other people's houses, but for some one else that may or may not be the case. Why? Because Im the parent and i get to decide. Back to my original point, God is dealing with different people at different levels, the question then is asked, what are you teaching your children and is it encompassing the law of "love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as yourself?

Anonymous said...

The Lord brought to me an excellent illustration after I wrote the above contribution to the conversation. To add to this, I remember about a year and a half ago there was this women who was part of the worship team and on Sundays she would show up in very short shorts and a tight tee shirt, She didn’t just do this on one occasion but on, actually, many. Did it cause people to think that she was not a Christian? Or did it make other people think she was trying to flaunt herself? Did it make other women in the church nervous and maybe jealous? Maybe, I don’t know. Did I as the worship leader go up and point out to her that as a mother of two young girls and a part of the worship team she might consider not dressing in such a provocative way? No I did not because I knew the girl personally, she in fact was family and deep down I knew it was not her intention to sway or take attention off of God and bring attention to herself. If anything, she felt comfortable enough to wear what she wore. And to her it was probably not a big deal, it was summer and our church does not pride itself for being one that shows off the latest fashions. She was comfortable enough to come and be herself. Now, was it appropriate enough to wear in church, I don’t think so,. Did she as a women of the faith “ know better” it is very probable, but you see, I knew God was dealing with her on a different level than what he was dealing with me on. Eventually, she stopped wearing short shorts and tight shirts , why? I don’t know and I don’t really care. I showed love to her. And I knew that God loved her and if it was a big deal to God He would lovingly deal with her. Again, God is responsible for the character in His people and for His character being made “perfected” in them.

EllaJac said...

Anon,
I wholeheartedly agree that God does not "work on" each of us the same way at the same time. I'm not sure, however, that that is an excuse. Just because God is dealing with Bob on his mouth doesn't mean Louise is okay to slander, gossip, or curse either (even if God is currently "working" on her addiction). My post is asking primarily how to work this out for my daughter(s), but another point is surfacing, and I'm not sure about it's answer either. How do we love our neighbor? Bob is probably aware that his bad speech is a sin. That's one that we've heard since we were little. Bob probably doesn't pretend it's okay to swear in church, and if he did, we would probably be informed that it is NOT okay. Conscientious parents might ask him to "please watch his language" when around them or their children, or leave his presence if it continued. Would all of those people be breaking the "love thy neighbor" commandment for speaking up?

Your example in your second comment interests me also. Speaking of the worship-member's skimpy clothes, you referred to people questioning her faith, people thinking it was pride, and women being nervous/jealous... You didn't mention the probable difficulties the men in the congregation had keeping their hearts (and eyes) on God. Please, PLEASE don't think I'm trying to be holier-than-thou on this. I myself have been in much similar circumstances as this woman, in much similar ignorance. Would it have been embarassing/humiliating to have someone point it out to me? Of course. Mostly because it was the farthest thing from my mind. Only through seeing it pointed out (the subject of modesty in general) did I start to understand. And repent.

Is it love, when you see your neighbor placing stumbling blocks (albeit cluelessly) in others' paths, to be silent?

I really hope so, actually. At least, I hope it's not required to speak up! Perhaps to give the general subject some light would be moving (non-confrontationally) in the right direction.

I feel a further post coming on, as there seems to be more and more to say! I do really appreciate your comments. (and I also don't let my kids stay overnight with other children - though I don't know it's explicitly commanded in scripture! [as is modesty])

Anonymous said...

dear blog owner, the women in the short shorts and tight tees that my dear was you.

EllaJac said...

(not so) Anon,
I've delayed publishing your comment because I wanted to make sure I responded to it rightly. I should first apologize for offense my post(s) caused. I did not think I had any 'local' readers anymore, else I would have been more general and not used such specific examples. I am sorry. That said, I also feel somewhat tricked. I admitted in my above comment that I could've been that woman, but instead of emailing me privately 'in love,' a public undressing was preferred. That hurts.
However, your point truly reinforces mine. WHY was I not lovingly corrected? WHY wasn't (isn't) the general concept taught? WHY weren't there standards in place to protect clueless girls? WHY is this subject such a sacred cow that girls remain clueless???
I earlier typed out a third post along these lines, and I think I will still post it. Maybe.
I concede that "I once was lost, but now I'm found (well, more-or-less),"... what I don't understand is why you seem to think I shouldn't be pointing the way, now that I see there is one. Why am I unqualified to ponder this issue?
I have you narrowed down, but I'm not even 100% sure who I'm talking to here. Please forgive me, again, for having caused offense with my specific examples. I can't withdraw the whole thing because I'm convinced the general subject is an issue for my family's sake. I am no one's Jiminy Cricket, but because I so wish I had not spent years ignorantly tossing out stumbling blocks, I cannot surrender my position on the topic in general. I will post again, and add a revision of my current thoughts.

EllaJac said...

Anon, in case you're set up to receive 'future comments via email,' I thought I'd write here and point you to a new post that addresses my thoughts at this point, at the top of the blog.