I find myself continuing to be annoyed at so-called "Christian liberty." Does anyone else have this problem? If you do, what is the answer?
I am trying to bring my girls up to be lovely virtuous ladies. I really am. The trouble comes when "loving our neighbor" runs into "love not the world." Kids are very black-and-white. They understand worldliness in someone who doesn't know Jesus, or who has rejected Him, but it is confusing for them to see the same worldliness in someone who goes to church and claims to be a Christian. How do I deal with that?
For instance, a week or so ago we were at a gathering... At one point there were several young women (married and not, most attend church) behaving in a manner that directly contradicted things I've told my daughter about honoring God with our behaviour and speech. I was unable to keep her from witnessing this. When we were able to leave, my daughter approached me with a very concerned expression to say, "Mama, a lot of girls and ladies were [insert activity of concern here]." I believe she was worried that they didn't know they might be dishonoring God in their actions. I responded that our job was not to tell them they were wrong, but that we could pray for them. And we must be careful to guard and keep our own hearts in Christ. I hope this communicated that we shouldn't condemn others for having standards different from our own, and that we still must maintain the standards God has established for us. And to guard our hearts from temptation as well as judgment.
I suppose this is the eternal parenting question... How do we embrace others without embracing their choices? It is too easy to lump the two together. "Immodest dress = no friend of mine!" Yet that is exactly what Christ doesn't want us to do.
How should we deal with this situation?
6 comments:
As far as seeing something that seems to contradict what you're trying to teach, I think the primary thing we all need to remember is that just because we are Christian does not mean we are perfect. You might consider empathizing with them by pointing out something they, or you, struggle to do right even if you know better. If it's a case of them not "struggling" -- there's a lesson there too about not knowing EVERYTHING we are to do right, and that God is working on each of us on His time and with His priorities, which aren't always the same as ours. Perhaps (probably?) there are bigger heart issues God is more concerned about dealing with in them than (insert activity here).
If the question more of a practical nature (what should I do, or teach my daughter to do?) that's definitely much trickier. I'm not so sure I agree that "it's not our job to tell them" -- if you genuinely think the problem is that they don't know, isn't that exactly what Jesus would have you do? Of course, you'll need to do so lovingly, humbly, gently, non-judgmentally, in a "I want to look out for you and help you however I can" sort of way. Just because it isn't politically correct to be in somebody else's business doesn't mean it isn't biblical (given the right kind of relationship and heart attitude). And I don't think (as you seem to know) that Jesus would have us avoid them altogether either -- the key is to teach our children to love the people and spend time with them, but not to adopt their (behavior, speech, dress) -- not only because it isn't the right thing to do but also to set the example. Sometimes the best way to "tell" someone that what they're doing is wrong is to simply and consistently do the opposite.
Hmm, lots of "knowitall" sounding rambling -- please know I'm just shooting from the hip on this one, and probably doing as much think out loud (er, whilst typing) as anything else. And of course, I don't have children as old as yours, so I'm sure I'll be learning lots more when I get there :)
Andi, great to "see" you! Your comment has me thinking, and when I have time I want to write a good response to it. It might be a new post; we'll see. This is definitely an issue that I didn't foresee (at least not with much detail), but as my kids grow it becomes increasingly apparent that it's not a little one!
Hmmm, very good questions. We have had to start dealing with this as my oldest little man is seeing more and more things that we've told him are immodest. In the stores, on tv, at the beach - it goes on and on. We've told him certain types of clothes are not appropriate and yet, here comes his young aunt wearing them! The hardest part for me is when I see immodesty in Christians and I have explained to him that God wants us to dress and behave certain ways. It just confuses him, as if God has told those people a different rule. When you get this figured out, let me know!
when I am faced with real life situations i will always remember what I read a while ago, You can find the argument here http://www.truth411.com/articles/index.php?artID=68&topicID=7
however, it is very controversal.
Now with dealing on how you make that an application in training your children, i believe that they need to know that God hates the sin and therefore, the sinner, but just as important, they need to know that through Jesus and only him, we are free from being a servant to sin, not free to do as we wish. They need to know that they too will make mistakes, but must quickly realize and make provision for their mistakes, repentance-turning away. I agree with andi when she said that perhaps( more than likely)there are bigger issues God is more concerned about dealing with them than (insert activity here). And everything else she said. (friendly giant)
Hmm... Again, more to think about... I read through that link, and while it makes some interesting points, I'm not sure how understandable it would be to my 6-year-old. It's hard to wrap my mind around (though my mind is getting older and slower every day I think), and teaching her that "God hates... but says we are to 'love our neighbor'" might add more confusion.
I think the way you handeled it when talking to your daughter was very good. " And we must be careful to guard and keep our own hearts in Christ" this is good parenting I also like what you said here "and that we still must maintain the standards God has established for us. And to guard our hearts from temptation as well as judgment." I think that is very excellent, while you did not dismiss "insert activity here" but you re-directed you child that she must maintain the standards God has for us and to guard our hearts from temptation as well as judgment.
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