This Baby seems so different. Not the Baby herself, really, more the experience of her. My heart just overflows with gratitude that God chose to bless us with such a darling. It's not that I wasn't blessed and thankful for her older sisters; I certainly was. I still am. But this time around I feel it so much more acutely. I'm not sure why.
Maybe because I'm *so old* now (ok, 29 3/4 isn't old to some, but it's older than I've ever been). Maybe age and maturity (ahem) give you a new understanding of the miracle that is a Baby.
Maybe it's all the St. John's Wort. Good stuff, that, and on sale too.
Maybe because, were it entirely up to us, we wouldn't have had her. That is a scary thought. Around the time we got pregnant, I was still very much caught up in the dilemma of whether or not I could add another baby to my life without exchanging for it my somewhat-tenuous sanity. We were sure we weren't ready to do anything permanent (or if that's even something we really want to do, ever), but not sure whether or when to 'try again'. Her very existence was within a breath of never even happening. THAT seems so scary to me. That makes those crazily-huge homeschooling families seem far more understandable, the way they don't want to deny or limit such blessings. Looking at this, our third daughter, and thinking she wouldn't even be if 'my plans' had prevailed makes me value her in a special way. I am humbled and grateful that God is sovereign and so good.
No comments:
Post a Comment