Reflecting

Today is my birthday. I am thirty. Thirty! That just doesn't compute yet. It took me three months to get used to being twenty. I can't believe that was a decade ago.

Some amazing (to me, anyway) facts:

• When I was twenty, I met my husband. I've known him for roughly 1/3 of my life.
• I won't actually be 30 until late tonight, which is interesting. I was born one time zone west of here (at 10:39 pm), so had my mother been east of here, I would've had a different birthdate.
• Far from wanting to 'get on with' my life, I realize the importance of my family (parents, brother) and am excited to build a family that will bless my children as they grow. That is 'the life' I know I'll be happy to have lived once this chance is gone.
• When my mother was 30 she had already been divorced. God's mercy has enabled me to avoid that state.
• When my maternal grandmother (Gi-gi) was 30, she had two school-aged children and was working and going to school. God's mercy has enabled me to avoid that state too.
• When my paternal grandmother was 30, she was pregnant with her first child, a son. I don't know if it's God's mercy, but we have had no sons. She went on to have my father 2 years later, and my aunt 10 years after that.

Life seems full of paradoxical events. How do I feel about being 30? Well, God has blessed me with an amazing and wonderful life, and I can't imagine doing anything else right now. I am humbled by His care of us and so grateful for Him. I really need to focus on those last two sentences, because, on my birthday, I find myself wishing for someone else to do the dishes, just once. Or someone to scrub the raspberry sauce the girls spilled on the floor TWO days ago. I wonder what it's like to have a husband who plans ahead and doesn't ask "so, what do you want for your birthday?" on the way home from work that night. I feel like shifting my birthday to another calendar month: Cake just shouldn't happen this soon after the holidays, and usually doesn't. Money doesn't happen either, between gifts and festivities for everyone, coupled with reduced working-days equals a very empty pocket. Last year my gift (and it was a wonderful one!) was to turn off the satellite tv. No, it didn't save us any money (I had to bargain with satellite radio and Netflix), but it has had a wonderful impact on our family time.

I'm sorry to say that yesterday evening my attitude wasn't pleasant. While trying to lower expectations can be beneficial to one's attitude, somehow there is a line between expecting misery, and finding joy regardless. I don't think I've found that line. I also came down with a miserable sore throat and runny nose yesterday, too. The girls have had a cough (now today Baby does too), and we're all a little ragged-feeling, I'm afraid. The household chores are getting away from me, and the energy and mental stamina needed to keep up is just not there when I'm feeling crummy.

So, here I am, while Baby and Monkey sleep, and I'm blogging instead of mopping. *sigh* Where's the wisdom that comes with being older?